Suicide Prevention Awareness Month: How to Start the Conversation

Written By: Christine Chae, LCSW

Most people who are worried about someone they love do not stay quiet because they do not care. They stay quiet because they are afraid of getting it wrong — of using the wrong words, of making things worse, of asking a question they feel unqualified to ask. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and it is a good moment to set that fear down. Talking openly with someone about suicidal thoughts does not plant the idea in their head. Far more often it brings relief, because the person has been carrying something heavy on their own.

This article is about the conversation itself: how to notice that someone may be struggling, how to open the subject with care, what tends to help and what tends to shut a conversation down, and how to support someone in connecting with professional care. It is written for parents, partners, friends, and coworkers — and also for anyone who recognizes themselves in these paragraphs. If that is you, support is available, and reaching out to a professional is an ordinary and reasonable thing to do.

Why We Hesitate to Ask

The hesitation is almost always well intentioned. People worry about offending someone, about being wrong, about opening a door they will not know how to close. Some fear that once the subject is raised they will become responsible for another person's life. In many families and cultural communities, emotional distress is simply not discussed openly, and for people who are more at ease in Korean, Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin, or Farsi, finding words for these feelings in a second language adds another layer of difficulty.

It helps to be clear about what your role is and is not. You are not conducting a clinical assessment, and you are not expected to fix anything. Your role is to notice, to ask, to listen without judgment, and to help the person take a next step toward professional support. Knowing something about what therapy actually involves — a practice's approach to care, the pace of the early sessions, what a therapist does with what they hear — can make that suggestion feel less like a leap into the unknown for both of you.

What to Watch and Listen For

There is no reliable checklist that tells you who is struggling. What matters more is change: a shift in how someone talks, sleeps, connects, or copes, especially in the weeks after a loss, a separation, a job ending, a move, or a stretch of unusual isolation. You are not looking for proof. You are looking for a reason to ask a caring question.

The signs below tend to appear in clusters and to persist rather than pass in a day. Any one of them on its own may mean very little; several together are worth paying attention to.

• Talk that centers on feeling trapped, being a burden to others, or seeing no way forward

• Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities that used to matter

• Marked changes in sleep, appetite, or energy lasting more than a couple of weeks

• Increased drinking or other substance use, particularly as a way to numb feeling

• Giving away meaningful possessions or making unexplained arrangements

• A sudden sense of calm or resolve after a long stretch of visible distress

• Statements of hopelessness about the future, even when delivered as a joke

Noticing any of these confirms nothing. It is simply an invitation to start a conversation you might otherwise talk yourself out of having.

How to Open the Conversation

You do not need a script and you do not need to be eloquent. A steady, unhurried conversation with someone who clearly cares is worth far more than perfect phrasing.

1. Choose a private moment with room to breathe

Pick a time when neither of you is rushing — a walk, a drive, a quiet evening at home. Side-by-side conversations, where you are not sitting face to face, often feel less exposing and can make it easier for someone to speak honestly.

Put your phone away and give yourself more time than you think you need. Seeming hurried is one of the fastest ways to signal that you would rather not hear the answer.

2. Say what you have noticed, then ask directly

Begin with observation rather than interpretation: "You have seemed really flat these past few weeks, and you have stopped answering the group chat. I have been thinking about you." Then ask the question plainly: "Are you having thoughts of suicide?"

Direct language matters here. Vague phrasing such as "you are not thinking of doing anything silly, are you?" signals that you would prefer a reassuring answer, and most people will hand you one. Asking clearly and calmly communicates that you can handle the truth.

3. Listen far more than you speak

If the answer is yes, resist the urge to fill the silence with solutions, reassurance, or reasons to keep going. Let the person describe what has been happening, and reflect back what you hear: "That sounds exhausting," or "How long has it felt this way?"

Try to keep your face and voice steady even if you feel frightened. Your calm presence tells the person that their experience is not too much for you, which may be exactly what they were afraid of.

4. Ask what would help, then stay involved

Move gently toward next steps: "What would make tonight easier?" and "Would it help if we looked together at finding someone to talk to?" Offering choices preserves the person's sense of agency, which often feels in short supply.

Then follow up. A text two days later asking how they are doing does more good than one intense conversation. Ongoing, low-key contact is among the most protective things a friend or family member can offer.

The aim is not to resolve everything in a single sitting. The aim is that the person feels heard and is no longer carrying it alone.

Words That Help — and Words That Land Badly

Most unhelpful responses come from love. We minimize because we want the pain to be smaller than it is, or we argue because we want the person to see what we see. Both, unfortunately, can leave someone feeling more alone than they did before they spoke.

A useful test is simple: does the response make room for what was said, or does it push it away?

Phrases that tend to help

• "Thank you for telling me. I am glad you did."

• "That sounds incredibly painful. Tell me more."

• "I do not have the right answer, but I am not going anywhere."

• "You should not have to manage this by yourself. Can we find some support together?"

Phrases worth avoiding

• "You have so much to live for" — a comparison that often produces guilt rather than hope.

• "Other people have it worse" — this ranks suffering and closes the conversation.

• "Promise me you will never do that" — this asks for reassurance for your benefit.

• "Just try to stay positive" — this implies the person has not been trying.

Connecting Someone to Professional Support

The gap between deciding to get help and actually sitting in a first appointment is where many people stall. Practical assistance matters enormously here: helping look up options, sitting beside someone while they contact our office to ask about availability, offering a ride to a first session, or simply staying on the couch while they make the call. Small logistical help removes friction at a moment when everything already feels effortful.

If you believe someone may be in immediate danger, do not try to manage it alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text at any hour, both for people who are struggling and for those who are worried about someone else, and emergency services are appropriate when a person's safety is at risk right now. Staying with someone while help is arranged matters far more than finding the right words.

If you are the one who is struggling

You do not have to be in crisis to deserve support, and you do not have to explain yourself well in order to make a first appointment. Telling one person — a friend, a physician, a therapist — is enough to begin. If talking would be easier in a language other than English, say so when you reach out; that is a normal request rather than a complication.

You Do Not Have to Get It Perfect

Almost nobody looks back on a conversation like this and remembers the exact words. What people remember is that someone noticed, asked, and stayed. You can stumble through the phrasing and still offer the most important experience available in that moment: being taken seriously by a person who did not look away.

If you are worried about someone in your life, or carrying something heavy yourself, reaching out is a good next step. Abundance Therapy Center offers individual, couples, and family therapy in Los Angeles, Anaheim, and Riverside, with virtual sessions available in several languages. And if the need feels urgent, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is there around the clock.

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